Today, a friend called me, a Lieutenant and student of the leadership class I teach. She had spent an exceedingly difficult afternoon with a search and rescue team volunteer. The volunteer was in the hospital, dying. His family and friends had come to say their last goodbyes. She hadn’t known what to do and had felt helpless just standing there. She thought she should have done more.
People Are the Mission
Our conversation reminded me of a promotional panel I had been a member of last year. One of the candidates, responding to a question about how he, as a new Reno, Nevada, Police Captain, would encourage the police chief’s vision of service, said he would invest in people, because when you invest in people, they in turn, will invest in others. He added, “people are the mission.”
While “people are the mission,” sounds simple, it doesn’t disclose the obstacles, challenges, and difficulties that inevitably lie with achieving an objective. Missions are hard. They involve danger and the possibility of failure. They also require courage. And to be successful, they require caring.
Courage to Care
The reason my friend was struggling was because she cared. And it was awkward because the dying volunteer, and the rest of the search and rescue members, were no longer her team. When she was promoted another sergeant took over the team. That sergeant, despite being the dying man’s leader, only stayed briefly at the hospital. He asked her to come handle it all in his place.
The sergeant unknowingly missed a rare window and huge opportunity to leave an impact on people’s lives, build relationships, and credibility as a leader.
Caring is the foundation of leadership. More importantly, it is the foundation of relationships. In fact, it is the foundation of anything worth putting effort into, “[T]here is no reason to exercise leadership, to have a courageous conversation with a boss or spouse, for example, or to take a risk on a new idea, unless you care about something deeply” (Heifetez, Grashow, & Linsky, 2009, p. 3).
Why do I think the sergeant didn’t stay? Because caring is difficult. It requires service and sacrifice. Looking at the life and death of Jesus, we can see the how he modeled the life of a servant leader, though he was God, he came to serve others (Mark 10:45). Caring also involves fear and risk. Fear of embarrassment. Risk of being disappointed. Fear of being hurt. Risk of loss, like reputation or status.
People Are More Than Problems
Nigel Nicholson wrote that we often avoid getting emotionally close to people and treat them as objects or problems to avoid having to acknowledge they are feeling people with emotions, worries, dreams, and hopes (2003, p. 7). And let’s face it, some people are difficult to get along with or even difficult to feel a connection to. But by not exposing ourselves to the discomfort that comes with caring, we are instead seeking the security that comes from the lack of engagement and personal commitment.
Leave a Lasting Impact
I don’t know if we can ever get away from that feeling of helplessness and uselessness that comes with being with people who are losing someone they love. What I do know is that just being there, being physically present in that moment, provides comfort. Your presence allows them to grieve and feel. It leaves a lasting impact on them.
As my friend said so well, “The foundation of caring and the mere notion of showing up with the sole purpose of being present, embodies the values of leadership. The things not written in your job description are humanity and common decency. We must preserve these values as we ascend to a new rank or encounter new assignments.”
You will meet about 80,000 people during the course of your life. How many of those will you leave an impact on? How many small windows of opportunity will you, like my friend did today, seize, trying to help others feel just a little bit better?
It takes courage to care.
References
Chaleff, I. (1995, 2003). The Courageous Follower: Standing up to and for Our Leader. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
Clay, R. A. (2022, July 11). Are you Experiencing Compassion Fatigue? As Psychologists Continue to Help Those Suffering from the Impact of COVID-19, They Should Watch for Signs of Their Own Distress or Burnout. Retrieved July 8, 2023, from American Psychological Association: https://www.apa.org/topics/covid-19/compassion-fatigue
Heifetez, R., Grashow, A., & Linsky, M. (2009). The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World. Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business Press.
Nicholson, N. (2003). How to Motivate Your Problem People. Harvard Busniess Review, 5-12. Retrieved July 24, 2024
Roser, M. (2023, July 27). The Limits of Our Personal Experience and the Value of Statistics. Retrieved February 26, 2025, from Our World in Data: https://ourworldindata.org/limits-personal-experience